is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
