why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
