Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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