How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
