Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize