I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
