So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
