My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
