i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
