don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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