Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize