Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
