i was born a porn star she said
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
