i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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