We need to rekindle our bromance
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
