no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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