i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So much rum. So many feels.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
