the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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