I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize