yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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