Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
