She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
