So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
