I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
