Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
