he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
