If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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