How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
