I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
