just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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