There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
