would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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