if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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