so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am naked and annoyed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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