I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
