There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
