p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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