and you said cock pushups were impossible
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
