I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
