Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
