I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
