he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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