She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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