Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
