Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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