Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
