Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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