Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
