You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
