Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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