dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
