i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
