this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
