you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
