I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
