my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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