I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
