3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
