Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize