Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
