we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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