overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
