Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
