dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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