Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think a kid would responsible me up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
