what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
