i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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