I look better un-naked...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
