Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
