One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
