I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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