I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
